Inside this Head

I wish I could see you and be over there,
But instead all I can do is lay over here,
Numb to the world, but not to my pain,
Holding me inside, with nothing to gain.

I hear voices and noises of people around,
But to me it’s the same as not hearing a sound.
All I can do is stare at the walls,
And then the ceiling, and back to the walls.

Over and over the memories they come,
Tormenting me with each passing one,
I thought they were lost, forever forgotten,
But now here they are, freshly begotten.

I know to eat, but why should I try?
I cant keep it down, that’s not a lie.
My eyes are so dry, from the tears I have cried,
Would anyone miss me after I die?

I’ve so much to do, but I can not arise,
I’d rather just lie here and face my demise.
The light turns to night, but its all the same,
I am not in this world, nor am I sane.

When will my mind return to the state,
Of joy and ideas, instead of just hate?
But him I hate too, that man is a fake,
Defined by the promises and plans that he makes.
Never completing a goal that he sets,
I am captive to all of the pain he begets.

Morning returns without dream through the night,
And trying to sleep was a loosing fight.
I long for a nightmare to comfort my guilt,
I am tired of fighting, I am broken not built.

I can’t stand to watch the rise in my chest,
Please lay me down for eternal rest.
For surely hell cant be much worse than this,
I’ll relish in joy in that fiery pit!

I’m so sorry to all I have hurt,
I crushed you and treated you much worse than dirt,
You all took me in, made me your own,
And I give you thanks with my casket of bones.

What She Needs...

She needs you to hold her, and be by her side,
The girl who loves you, from whom you hide,
So why do you ignore her, and talk to another?
When the one who loves you most, is with no other?

Continue reading, this is nearly a start,
For have you no ears to hear from your heart?
Have you no eyes to see her tears?
Especially for someone you dated for how many years?

My God, she might die and all she desires,
Is to hold your hands and feel higher,
Yet, her therapy has started and all you can say,
Is “I’m not coming, I’m going away?”

Buy her some flowers, and make her feel as your queen
For how much more would the petals mean,
If laid out on her bed sometime today,
Instead of her coffin one gloomy day?

How can I trust you to take of my baby,
When you are letting yours die, and might see her, maybe?
Take it from me, I did it once before too,
And never again, will I leave, this is true,

Her cancer won’t leave, but you certainly have,
When you needed her, you were all she would have,
When death is near and there’s nothing they can do,
I guarantee she’ll be thinking of you.